Apparently I haven't written since March 14th! That sounds about right. Of course, not much exciting has happened. My grades seem to be good at school. I only have a couple weeks left of this quarter. I don't even feel interested in the shit I am doing. I'm hoping I can get many other jobs not related to Networking by just having a degree.
I came close to moving out last week. East Chase apartments has a special that ends June 1st. I can't bring myself to throw away $500 a month. Right now all I have is about $1,300. I'll be a lot happier once I reach the $5,000 mark. I've started to take $500 and put it in a bank envelope. I have two now. I want to keep looking at it like that's money I wouldn't have if I wasn't still living here.
Julia is moving into East Chase in a few days.
I want out of here so bad. I feel hindered on my ability to have a relationship. I can't have any guys over. That's understandable, but its hell for me. I'm so lonely and sick of having up and down days. I haven't taken my Wellburtin since last Saturday. I had a bad day last Saturday. I didn't feel like the Wellbutrin was helping me. I had no plans. Leslie and Shannon were at Brad's, but I wasn't invited. They kept calling all night, but I didn't get it. They wanted me to come out then. That's bullshit. I was put out with that, the fact that Jamie is always with her man, Kevin now, and I have no one.
Leslie and I spent the night at Gola's Saturday night. Andy was in town. It ended up only being the two of us up and talking. I wish we were closer. I really think that the reason I feel gay is because I have never really had a lot of guy friends. I don't know. I think I'm just as confused now as ever. I think if I was to start hanging out with more straight guys I'd still have the desire to be affectionate with a guy. I think it will always be there.
Jamie has her own apt now at the Devinshire. Its nice and clean. She's supposedly been drug free now for about 3 months I think. I did like the guy she's dating and his friends. I met them on his parent's houseboat for Thunder over Louisville. I'm sure she's told them I'm gay. I've heard guys in the background on the phone say shit.
Oh well. I've still got blood and a set of lungs.
I haven't been to Connections since Derby. It was a ripoff. The price was $15. I went with Julia. I only had one or two beers. I was put out with the place. I haven't been back since. I've been so sick of gay guys. I quit going to the chat rooms a few weeks ago. The only people I talk to online now are the ones I've known for a while.
Adam sent me text messages on my phone over the weekend. I'm not sure about him.
Leslie is almost done moving into Martha's. Brad is moving home in a couple of weeks.
I have smoked pot all weekend. I think I smoked nearly everyday last week. I've been sitting here thinking about smoking some now. I think its making me tired all the time. I layed around all day today. I got nothing done. I did get my Dad to change the oil in the Vette though. We jacked it up wrong and broke some fiberglass off the floor! He's going to have to fix that before it gets driven in the rain.
I just now got the rear springs put on my car last Saturday (18th). It looks a lot better. It will look even better when the front ones get put on.
My Dad's been just as busy now as he was last time I wrote. He fired Chris Moss. He still hasn't got anyone to replace him. Luckily, Ed has a bodyman friend who's been coming over after hours and on weekends to get these cars done.
The Tundra is still untouched. I'm hoping this guy will work on that too. I can't wait to have a V8 with rear wheel drive!
I guess I should stop typing and try to go to bed. Adam is online right now. I haven't said much to him because I don't want to toy with his emotions. I don't know if I should date him.